The paper is trying to tackle the implementation deficit of environmental regulations, mostly from a political point of view, and heeds to the need for a true democratic system to be applied mostly locally, but also in the international level. I hope you enjoy the read and, as always, comments are welcome. How about trying to guess the grade I got with it?

~*~

Albeit during the past 30 years the international arena has seen the emergence of various environmental agreements, the global environmental situation seems only to worsen. The beautiful texts of the various treaties seem powerless to change the direction our planet is heading. This can definitely be attributed to an implementation deficit, but also to a lack of democracy in the global environmental governance; two interrelated issues that must be viewed as such if conclusions that can rectify the situation are to be drawn.

There is no true need to argue whether an implementation deficit exists: the world situation speaks for itself. If political leadership had implemented the hundreds environmental agreements created since 1972, trends would have changed; however, the most recent assessments describe “many serious environmental and social challenges” (Cunningham and Cunningham 2006: 16). It is imperative to determine what the causal roots of this lack of implementation are and how they can be overcome.

Carter (2001) discussed various factors that prohibit states from implementing signed agreements. Scientific uncertainty, lack of infrastructure and funding, corruption and fragmented bureaucratic organisations; all these problems constitute implementation a complex issue. However, this paper will discuss problems that pertain mainly to the environmental agenda and must deviate from the concept that nation-states are the most important players; for in this globalised era, it is multinational corporations (MNCs) that truly hold power in the international arena.

As Carter pointed out, the analysis of the reasons and solutions to this implementation deficit “cannot be separated from the broader international political economy that is largely responsible for that state incapacity” (248). While many are the roots of this lack of implementation, the most fundamental is that those who are mainly responsible for environmental degradation are not only unwilling to enact eco-friendly changes but reside above and beyond the power of the traditional sovereign power, the state. These players are the MNCs, some of which are “so powerful that they are almost autonomous from national governments and can ride roughshod over the law” (Carter: 248).

After the Cold War and the diffusion of the capitalistic economic system throughout the globe, we live in a world where sovereignty is bestowed upon corporations (Grossman 1998) that, by nature, are not accountable to the people. In this world, “power is shifting from the nation state to transnational actors, financial institutions and international economic institutions such as the IMF and the World Bank” (Carter: 248). As Wallace and Sforza (1999) claimed, the World Trade Organization (WTO) is “the vehicle for transnationals to challenge and effectively repeal restrictions imposed on them by nation-states” and essentially a “radically undemocratic [structure], fully insulated against pressure from ordinary citizens” (qtd. in Montague and Puckett 1999).

Indeed, some MNCs possess more economical prowess even than advanced industrialized nations. As Ramonet (1997) wrote in Le Monde Diplomatique, “the total number of transactions of General Motors is larger than the Gross National Product of Denmark, that of Ford is larger than the GNP of South Africa, and that of Toyota far surpasses the GNP of Norway” (qtd. in Marcos 1997). If countries such as Denmark and Norway possess less financial power than companies such as General Motors and Toyota, and if the WTO makes sure there cannot be ‘arbitrary’ measures set by states against these organizations in an international level, it can certainly be argued that nation-states hitherto reside in the condition of “quasi-sovereignty” discussed by Carter (248).

For Carter’s analysis was that “national governments are unable to resolve these problems [of poverty, inequality and environmental degradation] because they lack the autonomy to choose their own economic path or the capacity to deliver the radical policies that might benefit the environment” (248). As Subcomandante Marcos stated (1997), “national States do not have the necessary strength to oppose the action of the international markets which transgress the interests of citizens and governments”. Changes that occur in the governance of states due to electoral processes do not rest dominance away from the conglomerates that truly hold global power in their hands, since these shape and restructure the global economy according to their desires. As Marcos (1997) continued, “the global power of the financial centers is so great, that they can afford not to worry about the political tendency of those who hold power in a nation, if the economic program (in other words, the role that nation has in the global economic megaprogram [sic]) remains unaltered”.

Therefore, the main problem in implementation becomes apparent: those who possess power are not only the same ones who have caused the problems – as Elliott (2004) asserted, “MNCs have made a significant contribution to resource depletion and global pollution” (117) – but in many cases see their interests suffer from environmental legislation. For instance, in order to curb greenhouse gases emissions we will have to lower consumption of fossil fuels, and many transnational oil corporations do not wish this to occur, seeking always to maximize profit. Therefore, action remains limited to empty words that satisfy the want of the public and the flashes of the media. A virtual reality of keeping appearances is appeased, while little is done in the real world of hunger, poverty and degradation.

Moreover, the corporations have managed through successful media strategies to subdue the Western public into following created tenets of consumerism that come into stark contrast with the implementation of restraining measures needed to ease the burden on the world’s natural resources. The sustainable lifestyle of meeting one’s needs and not one’s greed is based upon values disliked by the corporations: they do not wish to see a change in the consumerism that spreads throughout the world, because this would bring their profits to a halt. Of course the public is not devoid of responsibility, especially in rich countries, since many people do not wish to alter significantly their lifestyles or are too manipulated to do so.

The same applies for governments. Although they have surrendered their economic sovereignty to the WTO, there are still many environmental problems which they could address if they desired to bring forth change. Yet, many environmental issues are characterised by delay in their impact towards society. Thereby, governments do not wish to suffer political cost for measures that will bring rewards in the future and for another government. This is because most elected representatives (in ‘democratic’ countries) are nowadays professional politicians and wish mainly to be re-elected.

This must change if we wish political leadership to assume the role it is supposed to have: work for the benefit of the people. Moreover, it is of vital importance to create systems that can hold corporations directly accountable to the people for their actions. However, in order to do this it is indispensable that we develop new ways of internal governance based on direct democracy, citizen participation and the disbandment of political parties as they are formed today. Such a shift would also bring true democratization in the international and global arena of environmental governance, a true necessity if the situation is to be rectified.

If we are to change this condition, we must either work within the current world paradigm through drastic reforms or find new ways of conducting business. In the former case, this means that industrial lobbies that are eco-friendly, such as power generation through renewable energy sources, must gain sufficient political power to press for changes in the implementation of environmentally friendly measures that would bring profits to them. A highly desired – but also highly unlikely – reform within the system would occur if international regimes were shifted in nature to encompass binding measures for MNCs that are the most responsible for environmental degradation. Elliott described how “draft recommendations on the regulation of MNCs produced by the United Nations Centre on Transnational Corporations (…) were effectively dropped at PrepComm IV” (118) of the UNCED.

If we resort to a completely new paradigm, we must work within the consciousness of the people so as they press for better environmental governance that is based on true democracy and in essence enact it themselves through a change in lifestyle and participation in the political process. It seems sad, but such a change may seem to be brought forth mainly through the natural disasters that afflict countries and indicate that indeed our actions influence and have influenced the environment.

In any case, if we desire to build long-lasting structural changes, we must bring forth a new era of democracy, where it is truly the people that govern. As Elliott mentioned, “a more participatory and inclusive form of environmental governance is not only more democratic but is seen as essential to the pursuit of a more equitable and just ecological world order” (136). There is more than ever a need for a renewal of democratic procedures not only in environmental governance, but in governance per se. However, this must not follow the current ‘democratic’ paradigm where people are merely represented through professional politicians and where true power rests with unaccountable MNCs. Therefore, any institutional change that would bring more power into non-governmental organizations (NGOs) – as is the trend – is bound to fail, if we don’t initiate a shift where the people truly rule democratically.

Any discussion that revolves around democracy must clarify whether it refers to the theoretical ‘democracy’ that people use as a word to describe a current global political system that thrives on injustice and inequity, or to the true democracy that has been manifested historically only in a few places of space and time. For how can we discuss about democratic procedures and legitimacy when principles of mass psychology are deployed upon the unsuspecting masses prior to elections? How can we ever possibly be honest and claim that all states are sovereign and theoretically equal when in reality influence from the powerful to the weak is the norm? Is it not obvious that all states are equal, but some are more equal than others?

Moreover, how can we discuss about democratic global governance when the debt owed by third world countries to the affluent of the world – the same affluent  who pledge their commitment in helping the poor, yet do not give away this debt! – reaches $US300 billion (Pettifor and Simms 2002; in Elliott) and strangles the ‘developing’ countries into following the tenets of the International Monetary Fund and the World Bank? How can we ever talk about global democracy when “[t]he richest 200 people in the world have a combined wealth of $ 1 trillion (…), more than the total owned by the 3 billion people who make up the poorest half of the world’s population” (Cunningham and Cunningham: 20)? How can you have democracy when there are so vast differences in accumulation of wealth and power?

It becomes apparent that the political system of representative democracy created in the West no longer suffices to meet the challenges of today’s globalised reality, especially with regard to the environment, where corporations hold enormous power and can easily sway professional politicians to their side. It is a secret known to all yet is not trumpeted in our ‘political correct’ world where keeping appearances has become a value of its own that politicians serve other interests and not those of the people who elected them – qui nescit dissimulare, nescit regnare. Therefore, on that level, we should not only ask whether NGOs should possess a more integral role in global environmental decision-making but also if governments are legitimate in upholding the interests of the people and not of powerful interest groups. Finally, it should be assessed whether we can have any discussion about true democracy when the main wielders of power, MNCs, are not accountable to the people.

The answer to these questions ties to the issue of implementation discussed beforehand. It seems that the complexus between the state and corporate interests is far too strong to breach and that drastic measures are required to bring forth democracy at a local level, so as to ensure that we can have democracy at the global (environmental) level. The prevalent idea regarding this process is that “the increased participation of civil society in multilateral or international environmental decision-making is usually taken as an important measure of the democratization of global environmental governance” (Elliott: 121-122).

This attitude is essentially correct, yet becomes flawed when limited only to NGOs. Giving more power to NGOs means mainly bringing one more player into an already corrupt system – a player that should not have access to closed-door meetings, as is the opinion of [I omit the name here, it was a high-profile politician/negotiator in Kyoto who spoke to us] stated in class – and not dealing with the necessary institutional changes that must begin at the bottom level of governance. The diffusion of democratic practices can be established only through radical structural and institutional reforms that aim at the heart of the matter: the rule of the people. As Elliott suggested, albeit participation of NGOs in the decision-making process may bring forth change, “it legitimizes statist and centralized forms of governance” (125).

Non-governmental organizations are not the answer, mainly because they are not democratic in their own nature: they may be helpful in constituting more transparent the decisions taken in meetings of parties, yet they themselves may or may not be transparent, are definitely not democratically elected and are not held accountable for their actions. Even more so, not all NGOs can be represented at international meetings, but mostly affluent ones (that is, of northern origin). This means, as Elliott discussed, that indigenous populations’ voice is not heard in meetings where their future is decided. Although NGOs may benefit the environmental cause through their more or less altruistic desire to help, they cannot claim to represent the people and therefore their inclusion into the decision-making does not really change anything: they, too, become players of the game, part of the establishment. What is needed is an essential revolution of consciousness that would aim at the heart of the political procedure and would create citizens that truly govern their own lives through a process of direct democracy and participation. Such as shift revolves not merely around environmental issues but is pertinent to human rights, issues of legitimacy, self-determination and sovereignty.

The answer lies at a grassroots level, with certain movements (especially stemming from indigenous populations, who are the most oppressed) that show a new way of doing things, one that derives directly from civic participation, direct democracy and responsibility for the whole. As Carter wrote, “it is vital that all local interests (…) can participate in policy and planning decisions (…) that have a direct effect on their lifestyles” (205). Movements such as the Mahila Mandal Dal discussed by Shiva (1987) rested power from corporations and government alike and declared that the indigenous population is the true owner of the land, enacting fines upon people who deviated from sustainable practices. The Cochabamba protest of Bolivia indicated how the people can manage sustainably the natural resources of a country without the interference of companies, public or private.

Of particular importance is the governance model developed in the autonomous communities of the Zapatistas in Chiapas, Mexico, where production of goods is done by the people and for the people and members of the Good Government Juntas are rotated every 8-15 days and everyone above 12 years old will at some point  govern the affairs of his/her community. Subcomandante Marcos (2004) explains that through this system two benefits arise: firstly, when people get a chance to govern, they see how the system works and therefore cannot be deceived easily, but “exercise more vigilance over those who govern”; secondly, it constitutes corruption far more difficult, since whomever wants to corrupt a committee must essentially bribe or coerce not a sole person or a group of people, but the entire community. However, the greatest advantage of such a non-hierarchical system is that people really govern their own affairs, are true citizens, responsible for their livelihood and the impact they have on the environment.

If we compare this system with the one we currently abide by, then it becomes apparent that all the measures of the world of bringing more ‘established’ voices into environmental negotiations through NGOs cannot effectively bring more democracy and therefore it is hopeless to discuss democratization on that aspect. The conclusion is that true democracy may come only through grave reforms at the local, national and global level, allowing people to govern themselves; something that politicians and corporations alike do not want, lest they lose power and authority. Yet, this is what is needed if decision-making may at some point benefit and not destroy the environment, if corporations are to be checked by people – since the WTO will never allow governments to do that – and if finally decisions are to be implemented. Only those who suffer the most from environmental degradation have the motivation to do this, and that’s the people.

References

Carter, N. (2001). The politics of the environment: Ideas, activism, policy. Cambridge University Press: Cambridge

Cunningham, W. P., Cunningham, M. A. (2006). Principles of environmental science: Inquiry and applications. McGraw-Hill: New York

Elliott, L. (2004). The global politics of the environment. 2^nd ed. Palgrave Macmillan: Hampshire / New York

Grossman, R. (1998). Can corporations be accountable? Part 2. Rachel’s Democracy & Health News. No. 610. Available: http://www.rachel.org/bulletin/index.cfm?issue_ID=507.

Montague, P., Puckett, J. (1999). The WTO and free trade. Part 1. Rachel’s Democracy & Health News. No. 673. Available: http://www.rachel.org/bulletin/bulletin.cfm?Issue_ID=1612.

Shiva, V. (1989). Staying alive: women, ecology and development. Zed: London

Subcomandante Marcos (1997). The seven loose pieces of the global jigsaw puzzle. Available: http://flag.blackened.net/revolt/mexico/ezln/1997/jigsaw.html.

Subcomandante Marcos (2004). Two flaws. Available: http://flag.blackened.net/revolt/mexico/ezln/2004/marcos/flawsAUG.html.

I write this a week before leaving since I might not have internet connection for a while. And it’s weird because even if only a short while remains here for me, I still feel that my experience here hasn’t finished and I can’t really wrap it up.

The only clear feeling of what to do is to post a picture I took here. It’s not one of the many glamorous pictures people can find by googling Castelsardo, but of an unsung wall that I saw in one of my strolls around this beautiful place.

It can certainly be called weird (I did get some weird looks from passers-by) but I spent almost an hour looking at this piece of wall – the beauty of having ample time to spend, I guess… Hey, I even took a picture of it with my cell phone, which I rarely do.

Anyways, this wall made me think very much… I could see in it how the new builds upon the old, and when the foundation is strong, then the structure can persist for long and gain new weight on it without collapsing. Life seems to be like that in many extents, and achieving new grounds seems to have lots to do with re-affirming your roots at every point…

I also thought that throughout my time here I faced lots of my own walls. Inner blockages, my own limitations, the walls in me. Breaking them down or climbing over them to see the other side has been perhaps the gist of my experience here. Well, that’s the only way, I guess, for me to be able to leave this place with stronger muscles… Walls makes us fighters, they urge us to strive to overcome them. If only we don’t lose the initial desire to persist and keep on wishing to achieve evermore greater degrees of inner freedom.

Finally, I had a small change of attitude regarding beauty when looking at this wall. You see, my immediate reaction was to think that the middle layer is very beautiful: it’s built with rocks, it’s uneven, unique, non-standardised… Especially compared with the concrete layer laid on top of it. I like very much “old things” and have a hard time finding beauty in the concrete/asphalt constructs of today, with their lack of imagination and inspiration, with their boring architecture… But, then… I thought that perhaps when this middle layer was built, a guy like me could be standing and say exactly the same things, comparing it to the bottom layer, which is even older, rough, most probably a piece of rock on its own. How a guy like me could be nostalgic about the “good ol’ days”, when we didn’t intervene as much in the natural surroundings with our own artificial creations, but let things be as nature designed them, with their implicit harmony…

Then I projected a bit into the future. Or, far into the future… Say, at a time when buildings are not made with bricks but with some way-off material I can’t even conceive (something like, compressed spider-web, or plasma fields, or whatever). Then, a “nostalgic” guy – like me – could stand in front of this very wall and look at the top layer with teary eyes, and praise the beauty of the past, the marvels of old architecture etc., etc.

So, beauty is so subjective, I thought, that it’s so hard to make universal truths out of it. I’m a child of my age, hence some things I find beautiful and some ugly, and that’s fair! But I can’t really claim that I can recognise eternal or universal beauty or ugliness. That, in any case, may never be found in ephemeral things, as matter is…

Well, anyway, arrivederci Sardegna!, with your beautiful walls, your wild sea, your friendly people, your warm colours. Arrivederci also to the Gingerbread Man who arrived here. He’s long gone, experience has built on him, walls have been overcome, and a new one has now sailed away. Into new ventures…

From this point onwards, I realised that what occurs moves according to its own schedule and needs no immediate energy diffusion from me, apart from what comes from up naturally. Also, that fulfilling the current steps cannot be done simply by channeling energy into an energy center etc. – that would be too easy. But experiencing certain things and displaying a new attitude while actually in them – that is something. Hence, I don’t really need to delve deeply into the functions of the 2nd center per se, but just flow with things as they come. And flow they do…

The past hours have been very intense. Yesterday night I couldn’t sleep – again. (I’m so thankful to life that has provided me now with the conditions to do that with no problem, since it’s so important…). I lied down but instead of sleep what came was an intense flood of memories and emotions, of imagination, that swept me with its rapid flow. This flood I can describe only as a jungle: memory and imagination whirled and turned in all directions, chaotically. Many many things came up, in a nonlinear fashion: some fights I’ve had with people in the past, memories of my (obligatory) army duty, of certain “close encounters” I’ve had with the… gentleness of police forces in my home country etc. These memories also triggered an intense bodily reaction in me., which was specifically emotional in nature. It is this clue that today led me, finally, into some understanding of what’s going on now.

So, I opened the Pandora’s box in my body. This is what has occurred with the urge and the ensuing prayers to clean and elevate my “matter centre”, not an energetical elevation that would be easy to achieve, but easy to lose again. Certain experiences that have been imprinted in it welled up, claiming their space. They have always been there, tucked beneath covers. But currently it’s revelation time for them. Now, the interesting bit: these bodily imprints express themselves mostly through emotions, hence through the 3rd centre. Therefore, what occurs now has as much to do with the 2nd centre as with the 3rd, that of emotions. Those two cannot be separated, they intermingle widely. Currently, a cleansing of both takes place, it cannot happen otherwise. And I’m grateful for that.

Looking back into last night’s reverie, I can see the common denominator behind everything that has welled up: it’s fear, especially fear of people imposing themselves on you through various ways. Since this ties in with the greater work I’m currently active on, I welcome this process. Without illusions: I don’t think I’ll do away with fear completely; the most I can achieve now is to shift the foundation of fear in me, not all fears, and gain a new,  freer attitude towards it. To not let it disperse me.

The previous chapter was about unity to its great extent; this is about trust.

The vacuums of trust emerge, especially those imprinted in my body and in my emotions. This happens for only one reason: that this vacuum (fear) will be filled in, through a new attitude, with love.

And this is why this is a work of the consciousness: a work that would never – never! – be completed solely through any kind of technique, even the most elaborate one. Techniques such as energy work etc. help of course, but are not the real thing.

What I mean by ‘consciousness’ is something very specific. It is by no means to be confused with perception; enlarging one’s consiousness, as I use the word, has nothing to do with projecting into other worlds or any similar “special effects”. For me, the human consciousness is the sphere of our experiences, which influences every single of our thoughts, emotions, urges and actions, which creates the established ideas we take for granted, the notions our mind doesn’t even for a minute dare to doubt because it moves in them, restricted. This personal, unique individual consciousness of each of us, which is in a perpetual exchange with the collective consciousness, as has been formed through history. And it is the working ground of any lasting change.

This is why it is not adequate to simply have an idea about something (e.g. that there is only One Self), but this needs to become consciousness – I think this is a point that escapes many spiritual seekers who believe that thinking about something is enough to make it a reality in you. In my humble opinion, it’s not. Currently our consciousness, that part of ourselves which dictates our self-conception and the relationship we have with ourselves, with the spirit, with nature, with other people (which are all One, of course, albeit not the same) is fragmented: we are separate from other people, from nature, from the divine. It takes immense work to glue the pieces back together and, I’ll repeat myself here, just thinking that, for instance, everything is One does not suffice.

So, back to the present: now there’s a new direction, a direction that came from inside of me, and hence more valuable. The imprints of experiences that have created fear in me emerge strongly, and are really shaking me up, especially emotionally. It’s a blessed process, since it gives me the opportunity to persevere and diffuse a new attitude of trust into those parts of me, and therefore fill in the vacuums in my consciousness where fear resides in the first place. This process is not easy, and I tend to be quite shaken these days; I feel like being drawn into many directions at once. Persevering through trust is the key. And, again, if through it I take even the smallest step outside the realm of fear that surrounds us all from within, it will be worth it…

Although this energy center of mine is mostly working smoothy, there have been instances through the years where I have felt that more is needed, a conscious and focused cleansing of some sort. I remember, for instance, that I have felt at times as if there is weight on that center, blocking the flow of energy (note: no, it’s not my humongous belly on the way :p). I’ve performed many times sheddings of light in it, but now I feel that something more conscious is needed. A deeper delving.

However, I encounter a small problem. Up to now it has been quite easy for me to flow into my centers, sort of ‘scan’ their status and feel how they are. Also to get to know their functions, potential and use. Now, bowing in front of my belly center to see what it needs, I am surprised to see that I can’t recall one single thing of the experience I’ve gathered over the years about the functions of the energy centers. Not even the inspiration I received upon coming here on what exactly this particular center has to offer me – yep, I had some. It has all vanished. As if I’m a tabula rasa on that one. Which might actually be a good thing, opening the way to freedom; yet I feel I have no direction.

Hence this blog post. I would love to hear from anyone out there about experiences they’ve had had regarding the function of the 2nd center. I would appreciate any relevant comment, especially those stemming from personal experiences and not from book knowledge. I know book knowledge can be interesting, however on such issues I much prefer direct knowledge coming from experience.

Some general ideas that occurred to me today, to kick it off, is that the belly center is actually the matter center on the body. That it has lots to do with the physical body and its functions. That it has to do with how one grounds the higher aspects of the self, and especially with balance. Also that it forms some kind of base to build on. I can feel that, when in tune, it can be rock-stable.

Finally, I feel that it has lots to do with how light courses through the physical body and out of it, on the material world, when one consciously comes in touch with the fire within and tries to shed it in the world around.

Any further ideas would be greatly appreciated… Cheers!

So, this morning I had some experiences which I’d like to describe, seeing that they form part of the thread this blog has. I see, for instance, the connections with Realisation #3 I wrote about in Spirituality and Sexuality, and with what I was writing yesterday, that there are certain physical functions in our bodies and minds that exist normally and should not really be interfered with.

For those bored, I repeat the pertinent part of Realisation #3 here: “These uncared for (until now) parts of me will never be integrated through external experiences – although they do play an important role (…) The work is much more internal and has to do with embracing into acceptance and love those parts of me that have been up to now denied”.

So, one of the nice realisations I had this morning was about what kind of experiences my up-to-now dismembered sexual center needs. While I was trying hard these days to think about them, I could not really conceive any other experiences pertaining to that center, apart from sexual ones. But now I think a step of understanding was taken.

As I woke up today, I could feel a certain inertia in my sexual center. As if there was something out of order, a thick thread that was not in place, quite strong and resistant to enter the flow. While still trying to sleep, I attempted to relax the region this thread occupied, somewhere below the bladder, and shed love into it, but this worked only partially. So, then I stopped trying to sleep and decided to do something about it. A blessing welled up, about this beloved part of myself that has not known and enjoyed the experience of union and integration, its presence into the light and its sharing with the other parts of me.

This blessing suddenly became what I can only describe as a lance from high up, that descended very fast and entered dynamically into my sexual center. It lasted for a brief moment, then dissipated. But not before, as I felt it, it installed something. I’m not sure what exactly it did install, but I got the following realisation: of course my sexual center needs external, sexual experiences – as everyone’s. But it also needs the internal experience of being loved, of sharing its qualities with the rest of me, of integration, of Union. Experiences it hasn’t had up to now, in its isolation.

It surprises me I hadn’t thought of that before, but this is the way things work with realisations: you have them when you are ready to integrate them. So no problem there.

So. As always, I cannot control the external environment, and in the current state of affairs around me, the external experience of contact with a woman is not available. And that’s fine. For it provides me with the space necessary to conduct that internal shedding of those experiences my sexual center has never felt. Which, possibly, might be even more important than the external experiences, because they have to do with filling certain vacuums of lacking that up to now had been displaced and masqueraded as need for erotic contact. Hence external erotic contact now would act as a filter that would perhaps confuse the process of shedding the internal experiences needed.

I find while progressing that it is very important to discern whence certain needs stem from. To understand the various factors influencing our desires and needs, and see which of them are actually real and which are projections created by other needs, or from neediness. And this is where that previous post about the ‘normal fears’ comes into play. In all of us, and in all of our needs and desires, there are many quite legitimate reasons that urge us towards certain directions. For instance, the need to hug a person and share beautiful experiences can be hardly described as coming from “lacking”; it is beautiful on its own and hence we want it. Compare that with wanting to have a companion in your life because, for example, you are insecure about your own worthiness and you need someone to support you: then this reason is not something “normal” (i.e. naturally existing in our selves) but a construct created by the currently imperfect nature of the incarnated human consciousness. This second need can never be really fulfilled from outside factors: those can only serve as either the cover of the need or as the necessary experience that can initiate the internal work necessary to dispel the illusion this need is – if one goes consciously about these things.

This ability to discern is vital, because it can lead us to recognise the legitimate parts that we can only accept from the distortions in us which need to be put into place…

I feel very nice about this realisation, and especially regarding the nature of the experiences my sexual center needs which I – and I alone – may offer to it. It gives me a direction. Now, the next steps are to bless that mingling of my sexual center with the rest of myself and to accept that all of my parts will need time for this to be completed. But the process is already under way, and it’s worthy. I’ve no real expectations for its results, except the certainly that this leads only to greater inner freedom and union.

It was worth losing a bit more sleep.

~*~

On a different note, when I got out of bed it was morning. The colours around were wonderful: the sun was out, but the sky black with clouds and their fusion created an otherworldly light which made the coloured buildings around me  look as if they came out of a fairy-tale. I went down and made coffee. Then I had a small experience which I had missed here up to now: a sense of… how can I put it… union with the place here, and with my life as it unfolds. I had a déjà vu also, about me being in the kitchen, feeling warm, and making coffee while a majestic light pours around. This is important. I’ve had a déjà vu in every place I’ve stayed after leaving my home country, but none here up to now. This indicates something that I can see already and don’t really need the déjà vu to acknowledge: the work is proceeding as it should be. The path of my life unfolds according to the plan decided even before I came down on this planet. I love my life, its path and progress, the Mystery it is; I love that I am working with no set schedule and I have the freedom to wake up at 6 am or go to sleep at 3 pm if the necessities in me so dictate. Everything is in order, things are as they should be, with no labels attached. Blessed be the divine Omniwill, and the human will that unites with it.

I went a little bit down the hill, to a spot that is very dark, in which I spent many hours of summer nights watching the stars. Around me, the wind was howling and there was lightning from all sides, very frequent, perhaps one per 20 seconds. I lied down and left my consciousness to the senses. A parenthesis here is that I noticed how a lightning doesn’t actually “fall” from the sky, but occurs simultaneously between the earth/sea and the cloud. It’s as if they are kissing…

Anyway, after a while, I noticed that I started to feel uncomfortable. There were some lightning strikes that must have been really close, because everything around me would go white, and then my eyes needed to adjust. Although I could feel no electricity in the air, I realised that I was most probably the most electrical object around, lying there on a rocky fence, on top of a hill. I looked up and I saw a black cloud over me, brooming. Then I felt that, if I tried, I could come in contact with the cloud, its energy, the electricity crackling in it…

Wow, that was it. I felt being lifted up, but also at exactly the same moment a big wave of fear rolling over me. This was a weird fear, it was very much physical in nature, bodily. My mind was calm, saying to my body that there is nothing to be afraid of, because there is no such thing as luck: everything has its purpose. But my body wouldn’t listen. It pulsated with what I think is a primal fear for the elements of nature, created if only by their sheer size. And, perhaps for the first time in my life, I realised how huge a thing lightning is.

I left. I was too uncomfortable to stay there and sought “refuge” below a rock where I could at least continue watching the beautiful sight around me. But, alas, the feeling had vanished. I returned home (just before it started to rain heavily..), feeling disappointed, that I had failed, that I didn’t manage to overcome the fear and trust in my own life’s purpose…

Now, a few days later, and after some very interesting discussions I had, another idea has started to form. It is that some fears are actually quite important in our lives, are meant to be there, they serve a purpose and are not to be dealt with.

I remember reading an interview of Elizabeth Kübler-Ross, where she said the following beautiful sentence:

“As I see it, there are five natural emotions … and each one has a negative, unnatural counterpart. The first basic positive emotion is fear … which is a gift from God that helps preserve our lives. However, I believe that the only two natural ones are fear of falling* and fear of loud noises. All the rest—including concern about what your neighbors think of you, being scared of your boss, and other phobias—are unnatural. They only drain your energy and lead to ill health.”

(The rest of the interview of this simply wonderful Human can be found here. Even though quite big, it is highly recommended, especially for those not aware of Kübler-Ross’ work.  *I think this is a typo in the original interview and she said “falling” and not “failing”, hence I corrected it. The reader can judge by the context.)

So, hey! She is right! There are certain fears inside of us which are not meant to be dealt with, which do not constitute a lack of trust in life, which are not ‘vacuums’ of consciousness. They are just normal functions of the physical body, and they have a very good reason to be there.

This experience with the lightning was a step of clarity in me, of better understanding. Because trying to deal with those natural fears – and I tend to be a control freak regarding my body – is, essentially, a waste of energy and input: they cannot be taken away. I think that this also includes all of the natural functions of the body: when they are in place, they have a very good reason to be there and do their thing, and there is no point in trying to intervene in their rhythm just because you may not like how they feel.

Which leaves only to identify those natural functions and dust them off, see if they need to be tuned in etc. Definitely not fight them. Fear of lightning is absolutely in its good place in me, and I finally wouldn’t have it abandon me for all the money in the world..

PS. I just read one of the most hilarious blog posts I’ve ever seen, it made me water my pants And to feel another kind of lightning course through my mind… Run, like the Gingerbread Man, as fast as you can! Not to the opposite direction, but towards here. I do

If one follows the stream of events running through my posts, he/she will notice the revelation of an immaturity within my autonomous sexuality and the process of integrating it within the rest of me. I think now that the stable basis of trust and understanding has been built, the process continues, the only way possible: with the emersion of my male erotic side, firstly. This is because, I think I have achieved a quite healthy balance between polarities in other aspects of myself, but not on this one; it is still immature. It’s awakening needs to pass firstly through the expression of maleness, since I reside in man’s body after all. I guess at some point in the future, the female nature of my sexuality will well up, expressed and integrated, so as to reach a polar balance in that aspect too. To be honest, I can’t wait

Currently aspects that have hitherto remained untapped and ignored, are being recognised and stretch themselves, ready to offer what they may to the whole. I’ve had an interesting comment from fellow blogger and soulseeker yogibenji, who wondered whether this process can occur within one’s own self, without a partner. I think it can, mainly because the diffusion of eroticism from the genital region to the rest of the self, I notice these days, is only partly sexual in nature. In many respects, it has to do with the diffusion of life itself, and its expression, as well as with the full realisation of one’s own sex (male or female) and the potential it has. In me particularly, I think it has to do with letting go of certain inhibitions, fears and defenses that have been constructed through my life.

I noticed this delicate truth when I walked the street yesterday. I’m not sure I can depict it fully through words… I noticed certain subtle movements of energy in me, having to do with my presence among other people, especially in regard with the way I shed my own energy. What I noticed in particular was certain parts of myself holding back and not letting themselves be expressed fully. I heard from inside of me a voice saying: “Release yourself”. I could hear it spoke the truth, and I did it. It felt liberating.

These constrained parts have to do with manhood itself, and I can’t refrain from remembering a thought I had some time back, I think it was in February: Walking the street, I has an upsurge from within and for a time I felt very strongly that I am a man. Not in the stereotypical, macho sort of way (which would be funny), but a very stable, grounded being expressed through a male body. From far, I noticed a guy sitting on some stairs and then I saw that automatically this inner feeling of maleness subsided. This made me think very much, because I saw fear was in the root of this withdrawal. I thought this: I’ve grown up in a society where the value of boys is measured through bravado and physical strength. I always detested violence in all its forms, and very much physical violence, and I avoided it. Back in my school days, if a guy was too much of a ‘rogue’, he always attracted trouble from some other ‘rogue’ who wanted to show he’s stronger. Hence, it seems, at least to an extent the healthy expression of my maleness has been suppressed by fear of getting into trouble within this competitive world we live in. Imprints of childhood and adolescence that still persist.

Now is time to get rid of them. I see this could never have happened while my sexual center, the part of myself where my sex mostly resides, was not tuned to the rest of my body’s music. Now that the same vibration starts to flow everywhere, my male self awakens maturely. It has nothing to do with violence, conquest and macho-ism; it has everything to do with expression, vitality and dynamism, with life itself. This awakening goes hand in hand with the maturation process of my sexuality, my eroticism, and its diffusion through the rest of my parts. It is mostly an inner work, that is of course expressed outwards through my entire being. I agree with yogibenji’s comment that opening up the senses is part of this ever-going process, but I think this will come later. What is the crucial point now is to let the feline predator in me breath freely, flow everywhere and offer naturally to the rest of myself the gift of life he holds in his paws.

I’ve observed in the past the following paradox: when I’m not feeling well, I really strive to see what’s happening and do the inner work that the situation demands; but when I’m feeling well, it’s easy to forget myself and rest on that. This has lots to do with something I’ve discussed before: our tendency to welcome pleasure and shun pain. Now is not the time to relax though; there’s more things that need to be done. Relaxation for me will come after some time. The thing is now I have to use my imagination and intuition and find what those things are myself.

The first thing that comes to mind is that I need to infuse faith in the changes that have occured in me: faith on the feasibility of this change. When certain situations are recurrent over the years and you can’t really work on them, it is very easy to develop the unconscious belief that this is how it will be forever. This is an illusion, and I therefore now try to infuse to those parts the conscious faith that change can happen. (Something that applies for the situation on the planet as well.) I think this is important; this is the way the current basic change will grow roots in me. But I must be careful: there’s the fine thin line of fooling one’s self to always look out for.

Another, more “secondary” aspect that arises these days is the need to cleanse myself very well, especially my mind and the way it formulates thoughts. I started to focus on that yesterday, establishing a contact with the cold fire of the Holy Spirit, and letting it enter my brain. Today I woke up with a cloud over my mind, which to me indicates that I shook of quite a lot of dust in it. Ensuing infusions of the Holy Spirit’s presence cleaned it to a great extent – although I still feel it a bit numb. In this process I was aided by the wind which blows powerfully here now. I’ve seen the wind helps one clear their mind (as the sea does the emotions, and the earth the body). I want my mind to be crystal-clear as clean air, and equally free. Its thoughts to be permeated by love, caring, inspiration, openness, wisdom, distinction, trust, common sense. And freedom.

Finally, I see while writing this that I need to establish a new erotic relationship with myself. It’s time now for my erotic nature to escape the confines of the genital region and embrace my entire body; the bridges leading to that have been well laid finally. I see that I lack external inspiration to do this though, and I’m not sure this is the correct attitude. On the other hand, perhaps this process does need an external muse… In any case, I intend to watch the following days how myself reacts in the erotic call from within, and to try and break old, established patterns of action. As I wrote at some point in the past, these inner changes require afterwards the development of a new praxis; otherwise, they remain a wrapped gift that one never has the strength to open.

I had tonight a marvellous realisation, of the kind that made me startle from my bed, and stare very much, although my room was completely engulfed in darkness. I was looking inwardly, trying to see if the thought that came from my mind is actually true, if this is it. The answer to a question I’ve been looking to find for quite some time: how does the sexual center function when it’s in tune with the flow of the Logos.

I’ll start from the beginning of this moon and create a suspense for the realisation – it might increase the readers, hehe… (fat chance) So, these past few days have been again difficult. I’ve had contact with L. and this brought up once more in me – and I think in her as well – many things: pain, anguish, fears etc. My days were essentially a struggle to remind myself of all the nice things I have written here, and to practice them of course. I did it and didn’t do it, at the same time. The result was loss of energy, imbalance, mood swings, permeated mostly by a melancholic nostalgia. Even the ‘old trick’ of helping a friend who is a bit in a similar phase didn’t take me out of the condition.

So, tonight I laid on my bed, stretching the day away etc. and then a very conscious digging commenced. I prayed and cleaned things, tried to establish a qualitative uplifting of my thoughts, emotions, and consciousness. After a while, I started to look at things in the eye and, even though I was tired for most of the day, I felt much better. Actually, I felt way better… I could feel all of my bodies working very well, flowing very nicely between each other. My energy centers were smiling – that’s the word I can think of. Then, a string of thoughts and inner sensations which I don’t really remember now, brought me to the aforementioned realisation, which is this. Ah! I remembered the string of thoughts and inner sensations, so here goes. Beware, it’s adults only

So, I was having this waking ‘dream’ that I was with a woman. She had invited me over at her house, we had a nice dinner, then laid on the floor and started to make out, then she asked me to spend the night, and I did. In the images of my mind, it was morning, the sun was shining through the window. We had just woken up, and we were on a bed with very clean sheets, having sex. I focused my awareness into what it was I was feeling at the moment. It was a mix of sensations, but the overarching feeling was one of emptiness. Then, the image shifted and I was in the same position, but entering the woman I love. It is simply amazing what the difference is, simply amazing… All of my bodies, all of my centers were ‘up’ immediately, fueled by the love of my heart. I got lost in this feeling for some seconds that lasted for quite some time, and then, the realisation came: the sexual center that is in tune with the Logos functions sexually only when there’s love in the heart.

It sounds so… little writing this now, but I don’t care. I know that ideas are one thing; realisation is another. Of course I’ve played around with this idea in the past, and I’ve seen the marked difference of making love and having sex. But this is another thing now. It’s one of those things that strike chords inside of you, that resonate their truth, that change things: a realisation, big-time.

I felt a very nice ‘click’ in me. A part got into its place. I’m thankful, and touched.

I’m not fooling myself, of course, there’s lots of work to be done still… And tonight’s realisation is not the end of it: I’m 100% sure there’s way more to discover on the path of expressing the beauty of God through sexuality, and many pieces that need to be painstakingly integrated. And I know that lots of it actually needs to happen on the bed. When the time is ripe.

After this thought made me stand up on my bed and stare inwardly, I laid on the bed once more to taste it, let it seep into me. Then I decided to go for a walk. Sleep seemed a waste of precious consciousness at the moment – albeit I simply adore sleeping. Outside, a glimpse of autumn in the air. It was good to feel the slight chill on the skin after this warm summer. It was windy, and clean white sheets were flying in the air, making the wind visible. I started strolling in the beautiful, orange-lit, tranquil streets of the historic center. A feeling of smoothness in the air. I walked in the cathedral, into its yard. Someone had tied a white ribbon on the lamp-post. Below, the sea, white foams, its eternal sound, speaking its miracle. Mars was on the sky, red. I breathed the atmosphere around, and I thanked this place; I’m blessed to be here, now, doing what is happening. Then I moved around and observed something, yet another small ‘realisation’ – more like a mindgame: I approached the light and my big shadow covered the cathedral. The closer we get to the light, the greater our shadow grows. We have no shadow only when we are the light itself.

When I left, I passed a fig tree, the wind whistling through it. It’s been one of the most beautiful sounds I have heard here. And now I’ll go watch the sun rise. Autumn is coming. The connection with Autumn I dreamed about has started to unfold. I think the foundation in me has changed, and that makes all the difference. Way more to discover, way more to experience, way more victories and defeats await me. But this feeling of integration… this inclusion of my self’s parts… the promise of exchanging my essence with the woman I love having even more pieces of myself consciously integrated and participating in our blessed union of bodies and souls, through love…

It’s worth it.

That most wonderful (and thus contadictory) of all archetypes made the choice of following the hard road, not the easy one. Knowing that, and making that choice, defines him for what he essentially was: the hero. One of those people who don’t shy away from the quest dictated by necessity, who don’t sit comfortably by the fire (or the TV) and make up stories about what lies beyond its comfortable glow. Who live. You might ask, doesn’t everyone live? Of course! – to an extent. For as the count Kapodistrias said, “we all live… but the art of knowing how to live, that’s a very hard thing”.

Daring to look beyond safety, in what lies in the darkness: the first step of courage. Deciding to move towards it: the second. Actually stepping into the unknown: the third. And that’s where the real fun begins… Down our inner labyrinths, there’s not one but many minotaurs; Ariadne is our own soul that can provide the thread. We encounter many Medusas; Athena is the wisdom that provides the mirror through which we can look monstrous fears in the eye without being petrified. Our labours are not 12 but ten-times that; our evolving strength and wits our weapons.

In times of great vexation, I draw strength by remembering the noble cause of integration our species has chosen since the dawn of time. Everything is part of it, and that’s vital to understand. Then the sirens and the lotus-eaters become integral parts of this quest, and are not shunned nor avoided. What defines the hero is not what he already is but what he becomes. And his main characteristic seems to be the power to persevere and carry on, despite adversity. And thus does adversity become an ally.

I’ll paste here one of my (few) favourite poems – which sounds way much better in the original, but what can you do.. It’s by Cavafy.

~*~

~*~

The Road goes ever on and on… It indeed seems long now, but that’s just me being in a hurry. And if this impatience is not yet another siren, I don’t know what it is.